Disclaimer: This might not be a logical way to cope with life. But if you feel the need to ever so self-destruct, please read on.
PS: If you are thinking, “who makes her an expert?”, your question is valid. The answer to your doubts is – there are a few folks who consider me dead from the inside. So there. 🙂
PPS: There is nothing cool about having no feelings. Are you a psychopath?
Feelings are highly inconvenient.
How do I know this? Because I have them (sadly) and I wish to bury them. Thus began my life long battle of ‘not giving a flying duck’.
There are legitimate ways you can hide your feelings. They include three steps and three steps only.
Step #1 : Recognise you feel deeply about something
Step #2. Acknowledge that you need to hide them
Step #3. Overcompensate to a degree that people believe you are a badass with no feelings whatsoever
I think I was a wee little child when I realised I felt deeply about every damn thing. To be honest it was a pain being so sensitive all the time. You walk out the door and you realise everything bothers you.
This wasn’t a real problem that I acknowledged until I was in late teens. Till then I figured this was the same with every human being. How naive and stupid I was.
It was at this golden (*chuckles*) age that I realised feelings are like barf. They are very unpleasant and it is better to chuck it under the carpet.
The next few years involved training myself for utter numbness.
It always begins with self-awareness. You can’t get over your alcoholism unless you admit you are an alcoholic right? Well, this is the same way.
Always acknowledge that you need help.
Is that neighbourhood shopkeeper bugging you off with all the judgemental looks of the Queen. Look at him dead in the eye, till he can look into your dead soul. He doesn’t need to know that it is struggling to live.
If you just caught feelings for someone and you want to not deal with it, this is how you go about it.
Go out of your way to make inappropriate morbid jokes till the time they worry about your sanity. Insult them lightheartedly till they consider you as incapable of nurturing any human bond. Overcompensate.
If you want to be an overachiever, do this: Scare them off.
Everytime you catch a feeling – like sadness – lurching on your conscience, pollute it with random memes and other distraction. (Netflix and junk food are my top recommendations.)
If you feel really hopeful about a future career prospect, hide it into your brain. Do not let your mouth utter the words, ” I am looking forward to it”. Jinx is real and so are things not working out.
And everytime you actually are choking up on some feelings, you feel your heart pumping more life into you than usual, know that it is not real and real dead people don’t cry. You cannot cry because that is just feelings excreta.
Everytime you want to confess what is in your heart – choke on it. It is not worth it. Elon Musk is sending cars into Space and here you are wasting time wanting to talk about “your feelings”. Grow up, like everything else, your feelings will die and so will you.
Why waste time.
Instead, chose your favorite mode of substance abuse. If sniffing that coffee is your high, do that.
If you are wondering, but communication is the key. How will I communicate I want something. I want to express my feelings about something.
Feelings are not meant to be expressed, they are meant to be felt.
You can feel the wind on your face for all I care, but not feelings. They are like a disease, once you let it in, there is an epidemic on hand.
In essence, you are a hazmat suit for a thing called feelings, nothing goes out and nothing comes in. The void is your friend, embrace it. But don’t let it know how much you love it, damn it!
And remember everytime people bring up your deadness, you have no right to be offended. You brought this on yourself.
My feelings for this post died about right here.